Is it love or is it toxic love?

As I have experienced day after day everyone is becoming more and more lost and confused in the area of love. We all experience it differently and have our own definition of love.

Though how is love different from obsession? Can we differentiate if we or our love interest is in love or is just obsessed with us?

Each of these have been drawn from my own experiences. I believe anything in excess becomes unhealthy.

I watched so many k-dramas, many of them had one second character whom we love a lot but his love remains unrequited in the series. It is not different from real life we tend to feel affectionate towards what we find admiring. It can be anything from appearance, to the way one speaks or their intelligence or personality. Each one of us have fallen for someone either vocally or secretly.

The playful love which we see in big rom-com is the kind we envision ours to be. But is it like that really?

I will give few examples and tell the difference between a potential love or obsession. We don’t need definitions of it. I believe love is mostly expressed in actions, actions that are true of intention.

Have you heard of 500 days of summer? It’s a masterpiece well! because I didn’t understand it in my first watch. Like many people I hated Summer for not understanding what the movie was trying to say. We all tend to villainise someone who doesn’t agree with our main lead or maybe have their own mind to what they want. While my perspective can only talk about one gender but lets cut the crap toxicity doesn’t know any gender. It all applies to all.

Toxic love is…

1. If I can’t have her no one can!

Andrei Sator from Tenet

Quote from the movie actually do apply in real life. Love has free will. Love isn’t possession. When it turns possession it becomes dirty and toxic. It is so toxic that in true sense if one isn’t well aware of how they react to what isn’t meant to be. The fact is toxic love is on the rise and only we can acknowledge what is and isn’t and if we ourselves behave in a toxic way. A good person will put an end to it.

2. I’m that bad type
Make your mama sad type

Ted from Bridesmaids

The unavailable douchebag who tries to flake on you. Who keeps you in with minimal to no effort, who gives false hopes and dreams and on each moment where you really need them. They are Poof! Gone from the sight of the earth. They only appear because they are bored. They only appear because they want have sex. Such people are waste of time and energy. A person who exploits another for sexual reasons or personal gains.

3. The Simp trope

Tim from Friends

When I first came across this word I realised many people take a nice sensitive guy for simp. It isn’t so a simp is in it for a reason. Each time you meet someone who shows interest ask yourself is this person in it for them? Or are they genuinely a kind person. The one that favours women, who keep every women as an option, who try to victimise themselves. Its just an experience which makes you understand what a nice guy stands for and what a simp stands for.

Basically if one individual has all the toxic qualities- them being obsessive, liars, cheaters, Simp and paychopath, well the person who falls for such an individual is doomed unless they see what the other person is.

4. The Nice guy / Fuckboy

Ross Geller from friends

Hell! I don’t need to give examples Ross alone fills all of the columns of toxic relationship. Because he is a toxic person.

He cheats on Rachel with the girl from xerox place. Cheats on Julie with Rachel. Cheats on Rachel on several accounts.

The other day I was watching friends in a desperation to hurt Rachel for being kissed by Gavin he goes on a spree of asking every women in coffee house if they want to die by drowning or fire?

He goes to a Self defence class and this is what comes out. Idk how on earth we all loved Ross, even I did and this is what I mean the guy who is toxic from top to bottom.

In above scene he should really have been arrested. I know they kept multiple scenes for laughs but it concerns me. Ross deserves his own blog with a detailed bashing. He is so toxic even Janice sees that and breaks up. The only person who can handle Ross is Pheobe.

5. Hitting or harassing your own relatives aint love.

Cassie from Friends

I had joined medium and somehow the subscription would show me hell lot more than I signed up for, I read about a child being sold by their parents. A sister getting sexually assaulted by her brother and family covering it up. Father raping his own child. Worlds come to a disaster, in many cultures it is okay to be in a relationship with your own family member but the toxic part is the ones I mentioned above.

6. Once a cheater, always a cheater

Amy Dunne from Gone girl

While Amy has clearly taken up a road of psychopath we get to know why she becomes that way. In most toxic relationships one tends to cheat or lie or gaslight the other person. Lets be honest cheaters, they want to hide their own shady deeds. They tend to blame and insult the one who struggles to believe in their relationship. Being with a person for a long time will not only turn ones sanity into insanity but also well this is how deaths and crimes happen. If you don’t believe me read newspapers on what happens when the one that is cheated on finds out.

7. Psychopath

Ted Bundy from Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile

A person who tends to harm you from inside mentally. They abuse you to such extent if it goes on for years it may cause post traumatic stress disorder. Being gaslighted, isolated from the world to be played in all areas, emotional, mental, physical spiritual level. Such people are charming they appear normal or like anyone else. They don’t need to be a serial killer if your mental state is turned upside down? They are one.

8. Highly egotistical person with no insight at all

Kabir Singh from Kabir Singh

The most dangerous thing ever seen is most of the youth looking at a character and going wow! He is so cool, I want to be that. Being a misogynistic person who has a good life with no boundaries. With abusive mentality with no limitations such people turn and become criminals and because most people don’t intervene they raise a criminal.

Toxic love is obsession, possession, abuse, threatening, forcing, harassing.

If you look at someone with admiration that is nice but when you ought to seek something in return and force them. Try to control them it becomes toxic. Stalking is a crime. Wanting other person to be sad because you can’t be with them that is just worst.

Mr. Queen

I mentioned the very first one.

April and Tom from 500 days of Summer

The way we crush on someone. A person can forget that they like a human being and rather put them on the pedestal of high reach. This sort of wanting and longing becomes false in long run. While the boy thinks he is in love and they are in love he is too much in his headspace and absent from their relationship. Respecting someones boundaries and their wishes vs making them a villain if they reject you or don’t return the feeling you feel for them.( doesn’t apply to fuckboys)

Corpse bride

The reason why we need to address all of this is because we encounter such people on daily basis. While I can not influence an individual to make right choices I can try to make them understand. Being with a horrible person and giving excuses for such people doesn’t make your life loving. It just gets filled with tremendous pain and suffering which can involve more than one people. If you understand someone is doing all this to you or to someone you are close to. Try showing them compassion. While toxic love puts us in blindfold we can open it and free ourselves.

Love is still a sacred thing. It resides within all of us, it is our responsibility to make ourselves kind enough to bring peace and love in this world.

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