If you suspect cheating Reflection Of You 너를 닮은 사람 is for you

First Half

I have never done this before, writing my blog midway of the series. I really feel the need to speak about it because the series is escalating too quickly.

The k-drama has started a trend of toxic overload. And this time I can understand the character’s in-depth just by reaching midway.

Let’s begin dissecting every character so far. I started watching this after finding the trailer having beautiful cinematography. Spoilers ahead! I won’t beat around the bush.

Story

Hee Joo

Hee Joo Jung is an established artist who has solo exhibits. She is married to a rich husband and has two children. What seems like a perfect life is distorted with a question, is it really? The story opens with her bagging and cleaning blood off her art studio floor. Dragging the body and dumping it with a monologue with self-justification of her actions. Giving yet another immoral villain for us to sympathise? The blood being smeared on her family portrait with her monologue about her doing it for protecting her family. I love the smear it’s ironically pointing towards her actions which, to begin with, were smearing the family bond.

Hee Joo is shown as a pitiful person in front of her mother-in-law and children but alone she holds a dark secret. After watching a video of Hae Won, an art teacher assaulting her daughter, slapping her and pushing her for something the daughter did. Hee Joo is caught off guard as she sees a familiar face from her past. She goes on to shove her and assault Hae won on the pretence of what Hae did to her daughter. The teacher in the shortest duration seems to bring out the worst side of her which Hee Joo has kept hidden all these years. Ahhh! I know so many people like that. The pretentious kind people, who love their false image in society. Hae won looks like a bad person, from Hee Joo’s perspective she is the crazy obsessed stalker with an ulterior motive. Hae Won seems to come across as this character who has something against Hee Joo. After a lot of flashback’s it’s hinted that Hae won actually is the person who teaches her to draw despite being younger than her.

Hae Won and Hee Joo from left to right

Let me keep Hae Won out of the picture for now. Hee Joo wears a Red coat. Colour of passion, desire and lust. That’s what I feel, she represents a person with greed and ulterior motives. A long time ago, she befriended Hae Won. Both are from poor families and Hae is an artist who knows everything and Hee is a newbie. Unknown to Hae Won, Hee Joo behind her back started having an affair with her then Fiancé. Hee Joo being corrupt and going all-in to get what she wants. She has no sense of morality of her actions even towards her marriage.

This is the past and the two cross paths in the present where she has children and a successful life vs the time when she was poor, pitiful and greedy for money. She did get it all in the end.

Hae Won Goo

Hae Won wears Green. The difference in their face and how they dress and look shows a difference in their personality. The past Hae won having a warm aura and the present one having a dull one. Almost as though she has given up on herself. Hae kept her eyes lowered and looking sad for some reason. Mysterious and having a stride of someone who is in pain. At first glance, she looks pitiful just like Hee Joo does around her kids and mother in law but Hae Won has a playful side to her. She wears the green coat everywhere. From a flashback it is hinted that Hee Joo gave it to her. No one questions why would she give it to the person who slapped her daughter? Hae Won looks like a devious person, trying to reveal Hee Joo’s true colours and corrupt past but in doing so she is willing to get her hands completely dirty. At times people who show the worst side of them openly are the damaged ones, hurt by those who pretend the way Hee Joo does.

She sort of intended on slapping Hee Joo’s daughter, Lisa. She also has the student who made the video on her side. The thing is that Lisa is more like a brat that doesn’t have any consideration for others feelings besides her own desires and wants. Sounds familiar? Like mother like daughter.

At first glance, I thought the Reflection of you meant that the old woman is reminded of her youth. In a way, it’s true, because she is envious of Hae Won. It is weird how even having it all makes her feel envy towards Hae. She envies being her when they were friends. She wants to be great in art and also loves what Hae won has, her fiancé. At present, if you leave her kids aside, her husband is a die-hard fan of Hee Joo. He is the successor, he has a huge influence in his daughter’s school and has family member’s working in a hospital. He has a bitter mother who constantly treats Hee Joo as a poor person who never met up to his level financially. He never grows the spine to stop his mother from mistreating Hee Joo. He loves her so much that he sees his wife’s actions, keeps an eye on her and has her back. Husband of the year, I guess? The Husband, Hyun Sung Ahn also carries a secret of his own. He accidentally hit, Seo Woo Jae… none other than his Wife’s lover.

Hyun Sung Ahn

Hyun sung is blinded by his pitiful appearing wife. He is unaware of what she is really holding back.

I do feel she is crazy because in several times she throws herself towards her now ex-lover (affair) and next moment she plays the uncomfortable loyal wife. She goes back and forth from doing that.

The husband is unaware of his wife’s infidelity both in past and present. As a brazen pompous person who comes across as an ill-treated mother is nothing but an evil being who has left her conscience behind. She takes the infidelity and consider’s it as a mistake rather than having remorse towards her actions, she just loves doing things without regret. Just like any other adulterer, she goes out of her way to hide it as well as try to make Hae Won’s life both past and present havoc. If you closely look at her both in present and past you will realise that she behaves as though her life is meaningless this is when she has the affair as well as at the present her life seems meaningless with her husband and snobby kids.

Am I blind or do these men seem really stupid? Like extremely stupid? Hyun is blinded by extreme trust and Woo Jae, Hae won’s husband is blinded by his lust.

Woo Jae Seo is a sculptor, also a solo artist. In past he is never faithful or interested in marrying Hae Won. He still goes ahead with the marriage, ruining not only his life but also dragging Hae won along. There is not one person who gets my sympathy here. We might feel bad for Hae Won but in trying to live the repercussions of Hee Joo’s intentional sabotage, she loses her spirit and love in art. It is evident that Hae won is both smart and talented knows more about art and teaches it to her then unnie. but she lets this dull fella in even after he treats her badly. There is no doubt that she would have surpassed both these toxic hobos if she would have left her uninterested husband to be with Hee Joo. They both are like Na bi and Eun Jae, Nevertheless couple, they won’t last because both are interested in the chase but never in a stable relationship.

Hae won is loving, caring and honestly she is like that person who does her best but somehow living with a Christian (boyfriend from Midsommar) makes her become this.

Woo Jae Seo

When she gathers herself as she realises that her husband is a long goner. Whether being married or not married it’s still ambiguous if they ever did get married. Hae Won resorts to becoming poisonous like Hee Joo and starts to bite and latch onto the very false nature of Hee Joo. The dull atmosphere around her represents that she has given up on what she loved the most, by giving her heart to a manipulative liar. I can say he is a high-level f***boy. They both are, both Hee Joo and Woo Jae. Woo Jae’s lack of interest is never really shown why. He just has the affair because they both are well made for each other, a Toxic couple. Hae is this kind, naive person who is completely unaware of this duplicity. She loses herself because she falls for the wrong man. But nonetheless, a woman can always sense if her man is faithful or not. She may not be having proof of evidence but she has an idea that Hee Joo has had an illicit affair. In a desire to reunite with her lost love, she still isn’t able to trust him.

He cheats and loses his memory but he soon gains the old jerk self. Being shifty and constantly runs towards Hee Joo. He tries to pretend to be a victim in a forced relationship while he is the one dragging it around. Hae Won is initially in the dark after the engagement or wedding he disappears in present she is soon contacted by amnesia stricken Woo Jae. Even in the amnesia phase to go to Hee Joo. Hee Joo behaves gutted towards Woo Jae’s sudden appearance in her life but in her every alone moment she tries to get closer to him. Firstly confronting him at his exhibition, trying to buy his art anonymously, giving him a lift and even going to his apartment way before he appeared. I hate this guy the most because he promises to be sincere and constantly leaves Hae won with empty apologies followed by intentionally running towards Hee Joo.

It is apparent that Hee Joo’s double life is constantly brought out in front of Hae Won by what she knows of her, Joo being the pretentious psycho who likes behaving like she is a victim of an ill-treating teacher. who is stalking her everywhere she goes.

In her past, it is shown that Woo Jae tutors Hee Joo and also has a post-marital affair with her in Ireland. Both being married and having this affair. She even takes her kids to live with them, she has no …! I get disgusted by her character to the core. Both of them, they treat their partner’s like nothing by doing all this.

She soon uses her manipulative side and living and cheating with a poor guy she soon feels like she needs to end the affair. She mixes something in his Woo Jae’s food and takes her kid with her. She thinks that’s the end of it but when he resurfaces she fumbles and stumbles and constantly tries to run into him and lashes out when her kids are open to finding out about her affair.

Lisa

Lisa is the first to find out about it. She remembers via her mother’s painting which Hee Joo fondly openly shamelessly commemorates as the piece for her solo exhibition. The piece is drawn from the place she had the affair in Ireland. Hee Joo still keeps her affair trophy a book with her sketches which Woo Jae drew of her along with a heath. Lisa is quick like her mother smarter than everyone in the room and finds out that her mother is a liar and had an affair with Woo Jae but she doesn’t seem to expose it. I wonder why?

Woo Jae being manipulative to the core never really expressed that he doesn’t feel anything for Hae won. Always misleading her into believing he cares when he doesn’t. For a woman who has left him in the past because he has no money.

I think I understand Hae won because she is in it too badly. She is ill-treated by Woo Jae who constantly goes to Hee Joo even with amnesia. He lies to her constantly and she resorts to using a spy app and playing detective, trying to find out what really was between them in past and also tries to prevent them from being alone together. When he is at the peak of cheating again she tries to force him to redo their wedding along with writing his vows.

I think in a way Hyun Sung is a lot like Hae won. Too much in love that it would shatter them to believe otherwise of what they know of their partner. They are honestly driven by their affection care towards the person they are with. Putting them on a pedestal and you know what I say about keeping a person on a pedestal. You stop seeing them as a person but more important than life itself. That is way dangerous because either such people suffer horribly which they do anyway or are completely crazy by entangling themselves with such a toxic person.

Hae Won starts to realise slowly that Woo Jae would cook for Hee Joo while he never did for her. He would do all those things he should have done for her to someone else’s wife.

I can never understand the drive of a cheater, an empty individual whose desire is just based on lust hence the constant need to cheat and constant need for lies. The feeling they get will always remain empty both emotionally, mentally and physically as that is not the way one can reach happiness in life. If that were true, adultery wouldn’t be a crime. Oh my! My mistake it isn’t a crime anymore because the law can be stupid at times. I do think adultery is a crime, no matter who does it. It’s a crime giving a deep-rooted psychological scar on the person who becomes the victim. After passing the law, many have started to mutilate their partners or just murder. Ahhh… coming at the beginning of the series.

Sorry for my sarcasm. I think one doesn’t really take emotional, mental scars as important as one do to physical ones. The bruises that are visible may heal but the trauma one doesn’t. And Hae Won is the perfect representation of a woman scorned. Hell hath no fury, I really understand her. She loves him and trusts him but abandons her, she considers that as a betrayal but soon it is evident to her that she is trying to hold onto sand tightly which will escape quickly. She indirectly is hurting herself more by staying with her but is unable to grab onto her lost sense of self.

I think I have closely seen this drama in my life. I think there is n number of people who cheat nowadays. Such people don’t really care about whom they are with they just are too selfish and cruel. I would advise women or men or whoever constantly feel as though their partner or lover isn’t true to them. It’s just midway but I think I have seen enough to know that Hae won has turned to the dark side. Losing interest in the passion of her life. I hope if this feels like you. Here are some red flags

Signs you should run

Red flags are the most important thing. They may be the behaviour of the other person or your deep-seated intuition or a need to play detective.

1. The person seems insincere and inconsiderate of how their actions make you feel.

2. They gaslight you when you put forth what troubles you about their behaviour. They turn it around and constantly make you the person at fault.

3. Midsommar’s Christian is all time toxic, good representation of a bad partner.

4. They make you go on an emotional roller coaster and also make you question your reality.

5. The person who tries to be the centre of attention, constantly wanting importance in your life by somehow making you cut off from your friends and family. while keeping their relations intact and living them privately.

6. Trust is one of many important factors in any relationship be it family, friends or between co workers. If you don’t trust them. If you have suspicions and have to be constantly keeping your guard up or play detective. It is evident that you don’t trust that person and if you can’t, the relationship is already over. If you lie to yourself and carry forward you will always be wondering if you can trust the person or are they telling you lies?

7. It takes two to make a relationship come together. There is a saying one cannot clap with just one hand. If its imbalanced. The person cares less and does less and you do more. It’s not worth it. A relationship should make you grow and not make you feel like you are a crazy lunatic or go crazy trying to want love.

8. Love is kind and believing in love. If you can’t find it outside. Give it to yourself. I think it’s the most difficult thing but most of those who do get entangled in this game. Lose their true selves in the company they keep.

9. Take a plant for example, if you underwater it, not give it enough light or nutrients it never grows and shrivels and dies. If you overwater it, keep it in the hot blazing sun and give too much fertiliser. It will rot or get sunburned or die.

Unsolicited Advice

The plant is your relationship. You must always give importance to yourself. Putting yourself first isn’t selfish at least when it comes to be around a toxic person who doesnt value you. Wanting things from a relationship isn’t crazy. Wanting love, trust, care, compassion, support, loyalty and all perks is something everyone deserves. If the person whom you love isn’t loving you or giving you want you genuinely. Then you must gain the courage to start walking in the opposite direction the moment they mistreat you.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. People think marriage ends all the affairs. Noo. I know many people who are married and shamelessly hit on people half their age even while having kids just like Hee Joo. Gender doesn’t really matter. Such people lack something in themselves. Never make it your fault that you fell for such a person. Accept that it happened. And start caring for your own-self.

If you feel as though, you want to get over that person. Read the blog below…

Remember it’s never too late, you have to understand that there is a difference between being selfish in a terrible world and being selfish and trying to reign 7 sins. Being selfish and taking care of ones own body and mind and health. Focusing on one’s own interests in life isn’t a bad thing. Always keep a leash on “too much”. Do everything in a range. When you become best version of you the person who hurt you may try to give you hopes and dreams of the perfect world where they never cheated. That perfect picture is believable when the person never cheats or deceives.

You just gotta move forward and leave such a person behind.

If you be like Hae Won unable to leave the suspected cheater behind, it may start to affect you into losing yourself. She never truly is happy with him because he constantly is reminding her that he is going to walk. When she says to her father that he is the one who is ready to abandon her. He gives her the best advice, he tells her to be the person who leaves him and start living her life. It doesn’t matter who leaves whom but it matters if one gains control over one’s own self and realise chasing such an empty person will never make them truly happy.

A companion should be a partner not a puppet master pulling your strings.

There will be people telling you to focus on the red flags and start to improve one’s life. It’s easier said than done. But you have to leave the grasp of other people to fully embrace happiness.

Living in such a relation whether a friendship or being with a loved one is like walking on a fractured leg. You will never heal. The fracture will remind you of the pain you are in and it will never let you heal. The person hurting you has a responsibility, if they can’t do their part its not about you. Let them be playing games in their life. If they take an honest loving person and turn it into a dirty game where you are treated horribly. That is their loss.

I hope this post makes you take the bitter pill so that you grow out of the toxicity and come out and embrace yourself.

I have experienced betrayal in some form of relations in my life. The more we seek revenge when the truth comes out. You will feel angry and resentful of yourself as well of the other person. You will pass all stages of grief but I insist that you drive your energy onto improving your lost self or holding together the hurt you. Hae Won does feel like she is in between revenge and confusion.

He caused her pain by abandoning her, constantly going to a married woman even after having amnesia. Hae won loves him and he is just too blind to understand what she is, he doesn’t see her value. She is more and he just corrupts and brings her down to his level. The pain she feels isn’t about losing him it is losing herself. She thinks that she has lost herself and losing him will be worst but being with him is the worst because she is constantly questioning whether he will leave her, whether he will cheat on her, whether … I think she should let him go and pursue on improving herself. She will feel pain obviously but the pain is reminder that he hurt her constantly and she should trust the pain to let him go. When she truly sees who he is and what she has become from what she used to be for a guy who doesn’t know her value. She should let him go.

Choose your life.

Second Half

Watching this series till the end gave me a headache and in the end I am relieved of it. Contrary to what I wanted to say before I want to say that life is like this. Sometimes a persons poison can destroy a lot of lives. It doesn’t matter how much time you spent around for the sting to bring out a fatal reaction. No matter how much of strength you have inside and no matter how righteous you are the corruption of one person will disrupt everyone and everything around them.

It’s evident that Hee Ju was constantly bringing Woo Jae into her life and then yelling at him for being close to her when her “family” is around. She is nothing but a chameleon but instead of changing her colour she loves pushing the blame onto someone else.

After everyone finds out about her infidelity years ago she is forgiven by calling that a past. Only Lisa knows that they were still carrying out the affair. The most stupid thing I feel is that even when having amnesia that guy still lingers around a married woman while devaluing his wife. At times people attract their perfect match, Woo Jae and Hee Ju both lack insight like bunch of psychopaths who love materialism and also want their desires to be fulfilled. In Hae won’s point of view, she wants revenge “because if you cant love me or be with me, I won’t live.” It may sound delusional and toxic but it is Woo Jae’s doing he kept stringing her along. He kept trying to bring her down by being with her. Most women even today are told to learn to compromise. I hate that word, women are f***ing brainwashed into loving a shitty trashcan because no matter how shit the world is you must learn to love the people that will solve everything bad. Take Hyeong Seongs sister for example, her husband beats her and her mother tells her he does so because she deserves it.

A person devoid of knowing what healthy love looks like will always end up following shitty deprecating thoughts which were handed over as advices. The husband cheats, you must stay strong and never leave his side, he beats you? You shouldn’t divorce. What will society say?? The shiftiest comments and unsolicited advices a women gets throughout her life makes her carry forward the wrong decisions because she is in the most broken state or vulnerable state.

I wont say same goes for a man because if a man cheats people always talk shit about the women rather than looking at the situation for what it is. (Take Mad for Each Other as an example, Min Kyung gets harassed by society for not knowing she was in a relationship with a married man, who abused her and would do anything to stay with her because he wants to abuse her. Another example, Doom at your service, Park bo youngs character has no idea she was in a relationship with a married guy, she gets thrown shit at for acknowledging that she had no idea. She learns she has cancer the same day she is told about the shame he brought to her. When she clears everything to the women, he goes to her office and creates a scene after getting a divorce for which he is responsible. It being a serial many of her office colleagues do mock this guy knowing her too well to say that. But that’s fictional in reality people need just one excuse to talk shit about a women.)

Hae Won wants her revenge but the truth is “Vengeance has consumed her completely”. I understand her completely I understand that his poison has spread so vastly that the colourful warmth she had faded altogether by the time she kept being with him. Her father does put some sense in her and when he dies she starts to realise that this nothing empty guy has and will not love her.

If you are an amazing person and someone else’s envy, mistreatment, jealousy or insecurities bring you down. Remember its not about you. If one can’t see the amazing person you are even in your worst they don’t deserve your very best. The truth is painful only if you keep avoiding it. And trust me it will keep on haunting you till you realise that it all happened for the best.

Hae won says to Ju Yeong that it’s too late for her or even to Seong-u. The truth is she focused all her pain and energy onto this energy consuming nothing guy. If she had chosen to leave him, start over and accept Seong-u’s kindness towards her. Just because Seong-u loves her too much doesn’t mean I want her to be with him. If you get out of a shitty relationship, all you need is a good friend supporting you helping you through it. Not another relationship, Hae won respects him, she doesnt love him. Love and respect are very different people shouldnt confuse them. When he tries to dismiss that Hee Ju did anything wrong by cheating calling it a mistake one can tell that she is strong to walk away from all the bs he tells her to believe.

The best thing one can do in a situation which is out your hand, rather than controlling it and losing yourself in it. Why not just try hard to letting it go?? Its the most hardest thing but one can always save themselves.

Hae won and Sang ho

Sang Ho Yoon is the husband whose wife was scammed, she fell ill, Hae wons mother always finds him being sweet to her, understanding her when she is being foolish, listening to her cry and asking her to be happy. Turns out he is wronged by the guy she went out with, who committed a fraud. Instead of getting on the revenge, he actually leaves it all behind, starts a bar and always hands out the most wise advices around. I even like his witty humour when he tells Seong-u, he looks like someone who is there to stop their wedding. He is extremely perceptive about everyone around him and uses that for giving the misguided people a good direction. I really like him.

For these 4 misguided people, the shitty plot was going to end in murder but it was unexpected to watch Lisa murder him straight in the fatal area. The scene where Hee ju lies to her reminds me of the scene from Family Man where Shrikant lies to his daughter. But how stupid can one be? She goes straight to the carotid, of course he is going to die. The stupidity of the scene is that instead of calling her father she just murders the guy. And then she runs away. If one look at it properly he was strangling Hee Ju and he would have killed her so it sort of self defence though she could have just knocked him out instead of making him bleed to death.

In the last moments these two face after Hae Won signs the divorce papers finally seeing eye to eye that even if she died he wouldn’t have cared. Why!! Does one have to die for someone to realise they love you or value you??!! You don’t need such people Hae won. Seong u finds her with missing pills and one can tell how much he loves her. It’s not platonic, he just loves her just the way her husband should have. The truth is if your life goes dark and shitty, your life is trying to teach you. That what is not meant for you, it is trying to push you to live a better life than what other is giving you. How does it do it? By making it hard, harsh. No one can actually grow in comfort zone. She didn’t deserve such a horrible guy, she deserved better rather than enjoying her misery. Life was making her realise that divorce was the right thing, leaving him was the right thing.

Back to Woo Jae and Hee Ju, after being framed by Hee Ju he sees the monster she really is, using the lovey dovey banter she had as a video of sexual assault making him go crazy. Like they say what goes around comes back around. They both are sick, like Lisa says she is disgusting and so is he, both their spouses deserved better.

I think there is nothing more lovely than a painful heartbreak to make one accept the reality. Hae won knows that Lisa killed Woo Jae and Hee ju covered it up, she begs her to not disclose it, she will leave it all and stop painting.

At this point I seriously thought even if she wouldn’t have left, her marriage life was a lie. This women lived in a torment day by day getting treated like a servant by her kids and mother in law. She was actually living in hell, Hae won wanted to just see it get worse. Hae won appears in court to testify against Ju Yeongs father who kidnapped the kid. It is questionable if Hae won sets him up with this idea and turns it around. While she crosses zebra crossing, the convicted father stabs her, the same time she decided to go see Seong u. I think she doesn’t get to meet him. I hate that its kept open ended.

Heong seong finds an article about his wifes affair, with Woo Jae dead, he is not aware what his wife and child did. He goes to Woo Jae’s art studio and finds Hae Won who lies to him. The article of the affair is out, with Hee Ju gone, Hae won lies to him that she and Woo Jae left together.

She never truly embraced letting go. She in the end gets stabbed. Hee ju changes her name, gives woo jaes car to her nurse friend and leaves town, she joins as a nurse and works a life, she looks exactly like Hae won does, colourless, dull. While walking she spots Hae Wons Solo Exhibition.

What should have happened…

Hae won should have let it go when she apologises to Sang ho on her mother’s behalf. She should have learnt from him that while the situations one encounters they are not in their hands, there is no reason for them to dull their sparkles. Just pick oneself up and start over. Hee Ju’s life looked like a life everyone envies but she never valued what she had. She was just chasing desires and life did bring hell to her in the form of her abusive children, her abusive mother in law and a loving husband whom she didn’t really care for.

I think Heong deserved to know the truth but he actually would have chased her, forgiven her and loved her. Love should have boundaries!! If a person violates a boundary, its best if one leaves them. Both Hae Won and Hyeong Seong let their parents violate their boundary by calling it love. I do feel good that none of them get a “lovey dovey ending”. Life is always about starting over whether from a point zero or from 100.

I seriously beg korean TV and Cinema producers to not make toxic series. The series are good at toxicity but the world already has it. It’s intoxicating to mind when one watches it, I seriously couldn’t keep my brain aside and watch this.

This was all about Reflection of you. Thank you for reading.

Good day.

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