Thank you Pheobe for subtlety making us understand, “The Nothing guy”. I am going to spoil a lot of movies, sorry not sorry in order to example you this.
Who is the nothing guy? I think I have slight understanding of what nothing guy is and what they look like, the world is full of nothing guys and it makes me sad that they lack the understanding of what one can have, but instead they just want what they can’t have. I know Pheobe means it in a different way but the truth is there are people in the world who are empty, hollow, they have no sense of understanding of what life can be when they stop being nothing.
These too are the best example of nothing guys. They are empty and hollow, they don’t understand what’s important in a relationship or life therefore they keep chasing people who are always going to be rejecting them or be with people whom they toy with.
Up in the Air
Take Ryan for an example, he plays a guy who flies constantly across the country and fires people for living. He meets Alex who loves the idea of no strings attached and when he meets his co worker and colleague with emotional level and sensitivity, Natalie who constantly pushes him to understand that life is so much more. Why just eat a tiny amount of a pastery when you can have the whole for the rest of your life. I am sounding a lot like the nothing guy right here. The point is that a relationship can be everything a person is looking for, it’s not to fill up a hole you have in your life. That is your own responsibility but to experience love, heartbreak, commitment and living each day feeling fullfilled isn’t that what life is all about?
We later get to the end and realise that Ryan turning around throwing his bs thinking away. He wants to be with Alex in a relationship. Only to find out she is already married. I would say circle of life, if you keep looking for danger. You might as wel run into it. So what is the nothing guy here? They both are! They both are yearning for an imagination satisfaction while they both can do it with the people they are with.
It is not in what one thinks nothing guy is, it is hints and hidden words or actions which makes a person be an ass to the person they are with.
Reflection of you
One can tell how much being with a nothing guy can destroy ones life, if one looks at the difference in Hae won before she met Woo Jae’s cheating, lying and constant empty promises, she is warm and happy and being with him turns her into a dull, lifeless being hell-bent on revenge even though it won’t be bringing her any peace of happiness. Same goes for Hee ju, Woo Jae’s soulmate who cheats, has affairs, lies, cares only about what she wants and shamelessly come back and forth towards him even though he is married to Hae won even though she has two children whom she pretends to love.
We even understand what nothing guy lacks at times when the movies or series put the good characters with the absolute horrible ones.
He’s Just not that Into You
Ben and Neil are two opposite poles when it comes to love and relationship. Ben being married to his high school sweetheart is always trying to make excuses giving Janine nothing and constantly finding a reason to cheat or lie. Pathologically lying about everything to her even though she is angry and upset at times reasonably. He always is one step ahead of abandoning her.
Even though he finds Anna attractive and everything he would keep both women around in a degrading level. Treating them both as though they are an object. Even Anna is somewhat lost because she definitely is in it for him to break up with his wife. No good intentions there.
If you take her Oh Yeon Seo’s character you realise what really happens when a married man shamelessly uses a naive woman for cheating and leaving her tormented for the rest of her life.
Ben’s opposition contender is Neil, he loving towards Beth. He likes where they are and he he thinks that even if they aren’t married he still is full committed to her and loves her.
When Ben and Neil have conversation on the boat we realise what makes them both so different even though they are friends. Neil says there is a lot of fish in the sea that he hadn’t explored before getting married. Neil says he doesn’t really want anyone else to be with but Beth.
Fleabag is a damaged character and she knows it. She accepts a stranger’s offer while on the bus. She has flashback to how kind, loving Harry is towards her. He is way too considerate, always finds her lack of emotional connection painful and she always uses a break up to have him clean her apartment. She dislikes the guy who asks her out. Who is disrespectful and very annoying and yet she be’s with him. And also the Guy who just uses her for sex and nothing more. Fleabag and these two guys have one thing in common. They all have no clue of what is important.
How to be Single
Ken and David are two opposites of Josh and Tom. Josh has long term relationship with Alice but she has not found her own self. She leaves him to find herself but instead is lured into having a one night stand with Tom with Robin’s suggestion. In a way it does help her understand that Alice had a good relationship, until we get to the very end and realise that Josh being engaged wants to have one night stand with Alice to feel that he is doing the right thing. Tom is a fuckboy throughout the movie, he goes to extreme lengths to keep all his one night stands away from opportunity to even have a relationship with him. He later realises after getting rejected that he does want it. But none the less these two guys are nothing guys.
Ken and David are two different guys entirely. Ken is sweet, loving, caring considerate guy who wants more than just sex. He wants to be there for Meg who is afraid of getting close because she has met a lot of Tom’s or probably knows that several Tom’s exist. He goes out his way into being with her, comforting her and loving her and accepting their baby.
David is with Alice, he is divorced, quirky but sometimes he loses control when Alice makes a connection with his daughter. He is a good guy with issues. But all in all is he isn’t a bad one.
At times one wonders because we love the characters so much we lose our insight into understanding how toxic they are, for instance in Friends. Emily is treated like a villain while Ross’s actions are overseen by literally everyone. Emily is villain because she is controlling, she doesn’t trust him and she wants him to be away from Rachel. Now why would a girl go to a psychotic length to keep her husband from cheating on her? Huh.
Ross cheats on Rachel on many instances and takes 0 accountability. He is a nothing guy. He has a crush on Rachel who is bff of his younger sister. He never ever even talks to her, he just keeps up being infatuated with the idea of Rachel Green, barbie doll. Rather than Rachel Green, a person. She is told to us audience that she is a bitch but we mostly see her be faithful and loyal to Ross who always behaves like she is a trophy. He never trusts her, he goes to her office and sends a band to announce whole office that she has a boyfriend called Ross. He also disrupts her office because she thinks she will leave him for Mark. He is a nothing guy. Rachel, you constantly went from one nothing guy to the ultimate nothing guy. From Barry, Paolo, Russ, Ross, Joey and few more and back to Ross. You even leave your career behind. Oh, I feel so bad for you. Ross constantly holds Carol’s infidelity up every episode they are together but he never takes accountability when he constantly does it to Julie, to Bonnie, Rachel. So many people. He is so toxic that even Janice dumps him.
The point of a nothing guy is that the world has a lot of them in the world. It is easy to invite them in, because they do have a quality or a charm. When you do invite them in, they feel you up with wonderful false memories. The honeymoon period and then later you get to see their real trash personality. They are in it just for physicality or whatever sadistic games satisfy their recurrent hunting needs.
Being with such a person makes you feel worthless, emotionally hay-wired, become psychotic and crazy or just plain lifeless or depressed. If you feel in the pit of your gut that this person whom you are with is a bad news.
Your hunch is probably right. Many red flags with just bland and empty companionship is not what makes anyone happy.
Love is kind, love is smart and in companionship. It is limitless. Love is having companionship, helping out people with no selfish reason behind it. Love is being genuinely affectionate to the person you are with. It is not denying that there won’t be clouds and rains but you will make it through.
If you are with a nothing guy. (I say nothing ‘Guy’) but it is regardless of gender. The nothing person doesn’t sound catchy. The nothing guy is going to suck the life out of you. So when you realise you deserve better and more than a tiny bit of cake.
Go make your own cake. If you look at Chandler, he is awkward and weird and well too stupid to know what to say to a woman. But he understands that what he really wants is to be with one person who is with him. Not the person who makes him feel empty and chasing her he thinks is pointless.
And we know how Chandler turns out to be when he leaves the nothing Aurora. And he be’s whole heartedly with Monica. Who is also in it on the same level he is, be with someone who doesn’t give you a dream but rather works with you to make that dream happen.
Be with the person who feels happy when you are happy.
Be an Adams and realise that being a nothing person will never make one happy. Being fulfilment lies within oneself. And having a good companion is a cherry on top.