Most times I faced rejection and failure hand in hand. It was quite a rollercoaster.
My failures kept increasing and with it rejection was inevitable. Because I faced them a lot, I was a teenager who was absolutely scared of rejection.
I felt like the world would collapse on me. If I get rejected in love, in career or academics, be it anything. It felt like my endgame. Being so dramatic as one is when they are a school going child, it was hard for me no doubt but these hardship had painted a wrong picture in my head.
Last time I spoke, a women who spoke of letting go in a ted talk. She really healed me because she made me realise that someone else’s inability do something should not hinder you or make you feel like you have nowhere to go. She was with a partner who would be with her for years but never commit for marriage or move forward with her. Who wouldn’t change after a lot of empty promises made. And she left him knowing the predictive tendency that he will never commit. When she was determined for a drastic change in her life. He showed up saying I will commit, I will do everything you wanted. And she left knowing better. She later met her now husband, she moved to a new place and got a new job.
I have been that person where people show you imaginary dream or give empty promises to gain something that will neither just bring you feeling of emptiness. The words that are promised crash down sooner and you know what you are in. This is going to keep on happening and your dreams, your morals seem to drift away somewhere. So we either stay in that misery or we choose another door.
Whether you are an adult or a child, you have faced rejection countless times. As a child you asked for that crayon you wanted so badly, but you got told we are out of them. As a teenager you asked your parents to give you a phone, because everyone has it. They told you no. As an adult you go for a job and they have rejected you.
The reasons don’t really matter but in the grand plan it has worked out for you. The child who didnt get a crayon learned to play something else. The teenager who didnt get a phone had more time to focus on things that were going to matter. As an adult, one job rejection doesn’t mean anything. Because if they reject you in one place. There is always that one place that is welcoming you with open arms.
A rejection doesn’t mean that life has rejected you. It just means that at the right time it has planned something for you. It is going to make you level up and grow into something you didnt have before.
Rejection comes on all forms, your peers rejecting you, your academics rejecting you, there are n number of seats but many participants. So only few will be accepted and others will have to face rejection.
The life long hardships go on in rejection. And subsequently when the person goes further from that rejection they are given something more wonderful than they were aiming for.
I wanted to become an actress, I saw a lot of tapes of people where they spoke of Rejection as the mentor. Most people live without pay for months and live in uncertainty. They face rejection constantly and when they continue, they do find that through out their journey their determination became stronger and unhindered. If you are a fan of movies, most wonderful performances given were meant to be performed by someone else. They rejected the script and it went to the person without whom we cannot see anyone else doing a more fitting job.
I saw a lot of people in my surroundings think that a girl rejecting the advances means try harder.
Let me decipher it for you, if she is not interested in you. She is politely saying no. She shows with her entire body language that she is not interested in you. She is and never will be with you.
Most often people consider themselves as “Nice people”, feel entitled and think I am so nice. Why won’t so so…. Like me?
I will give my worst example, my worst experience. I went out with a person whom I didn’t know if I liked. I didn’t really allow myself to get to know them but instead I believed I am a good person so I should be loved.
My aspirations weren’t wrong but my expectations were definitely wrong. Before that I used to have such a filter, they I would assess if they are worthy. If they are all the qualities I want to be around.
So when I was with that person, they would fight constantly. For having differing opinions. They promised, to marry me. ( Don’t they all?) and as much as the failure it was. I realised that Rejection is better than being with people who make you suffer.
I tried my best, I would not create any fight. There still were fights about trivial most things. The person would fight and make me apologise for it. They pushed me for giving them an answer and without thinking I did. I gave it my best shot and the person said lets break up.
It took me a while to understand why Rejections don’t mean bad thing. I tried asking people whom I liked. If they would like to be in a relationship. I got judged and rejected. And to me it didn’t really matter because I knew that even though liking each other is a good thing. It doesn’t mean you will be compatible.
When I have taken jobs at a place where money wasn’t guaranteed. I was in the fear that what if I don’t get a job. I did the job, everyday I showed up. I was treated like a nobody and in the end I realised that for survival one must get paid for ones work done. I took another job, I got paid. I even raised my pay by asking more. I left the job again to learn more.
In the end, people, money, your career and love life is not the end! It is the beginning, whenever I had faced rejection in past. I would get a huge anxiety of it. I would get panic attacks and feel like I am suffocating or out of breath.
So what changed? How did I go from breathless to comfortable in rejection? I didn’t! I did suffer when I faced hardships and when rejection came, for me hardships were bigger than rejection. So I tried again and again. And in the ultimate place, I believe if I didn’t get rejected at the places where I wasn’t supposed to be. My life wouldn’t have been what it is today.
Your pain, your sadness doesn’t come from rejection itself. It is the society that scratches off and makes it painful. If you face rejection with an attitude that no one can stop me.
What do I mean by that? If the crush rejects you. Dont try again. If they chase after you for the sake that you show no difference. It means nothing. If someone has to choose you. They will choose you even if things are not the very best. They will love you the way you are without needing to be something they are expecting you to be. So keep walking ahead in life. Without looking behind, without contemplating.
If your career is rejecting you. Try to approach it in a different manner than before. If you fail a test, study again. Approach it. Dont let it bring you down because the test is there only to make you better. If your heart is not in it and you keep failing. Choose a different path.
Rejection teaches us a valuable lesson. To keep moving forward, to give our best and continue after it.
To approach anything in life is to face rejection. If you go to get a visa of some foreign country. Many people reject long stays. You don’t get what you want in life and it is okay. If you can’t go to one doesn’t mean you can’t go to other places.
Rejection is one step closer to change. When you change, you metamorphose. You remain the same but the approach or what you thought will be different. A single idea can change a lot of things in life.
I hope you overcome your fears and learn to breathe in them. Learn to let go of the sadness or fear that lurks in your mind. And I hope you learn to accept rejection because it is the best thing.
I wrote this seeing how people choose a drastic and destructive path because they have taken rejection into a poisoning way.
People murder each other in the name of rejection. Harass or bully others. Take their own life and that is why it is so important that one should think about before hand.
I will say what Jim Carrey once said.
Have gratitude for every misfortune you ever got, every rejection you ever got because they were one step to the ones which are meant for you. Strive hard. Never give up. Smile in the face of rejection because being able to handle and walk it off is priceless. It means that your inner mind has gained the strength and that strength is more than enough.
Your life is far more worth than a rejection.
Thank you for reading.
Have a great day.